its 10 to 4
and i cant sleep.
i kept her out of my head for so long, and i ve let myself down.
i left her a note.
i shouldnt have done that, but i have.
shit.

recently things have changed.
for the worse.
and this time its not all my fault, personalities clash.
Its not my fault i want to fucking strangle the prick.
but if i did it, it would be for him, to make him see whats really going on behind his back.
we've told him, he listened, he broke it off, fair play, but then gave her a second chance, and she's doing it again.
im not wasting my warnings anymore.
im sorry but,
shit happens.

most of the time, i feel like i have "TWAT"scribbled on my forehead.
i get lookeda at for the wrong reasons.
my "BEST MATES" have fucked off because of that kiss-arse cunt.

i hate people who kiss arse.
you seem to do it when you want something mostly, but you're doing it all the time.
im growing to hate you.

"the way you 'express yourself' is wrong"
is it?
why?
because i draw on walls?
because im making it somewhere and your going nowhere, riding on false hope, just to keep your "mates".
they know all about you, you silly fucking knob.
its coming to you...

my approach to life and fame is different to yours, so what?
my fame is made by playing the game, riding the waves of fate, set out to make or break my life.
one wrong move, and imprisonment is where im heading.
i'd be lying to say i didnt care, because i do. im terrified of it.
fuck being "the bitch".fuck that.

guys, the drugs are getting old.
and thats another thng im scared of.
moving closer and closer with every puff, pop, bomb or sniff to death.
im not ready to die.

im going to end up snapping soon, im tired of being looked down on, looked upon as a minor.

just wait.
wait until i kill.
im going to kill every way you look at me.
im going to destroy the way you see me now.
its all coming.
dont say i didnt warn you...





its 4:04 am.
my head feels clearer than it has in a while.
i still dont know what i want in life, but for the moment, i have it.
the false friendships, the drug abuse, the lies and the changes.
its all going swimmingly.
for now anyway.



if you read all this, thankyou, and please leave a comment.

i wouldnt wish this life on anybody.

thankyou

rick